I am not sure where to began this letter or how to explain all the things you need to know, but I will try. My sweet babies you will hear stories of how you were born quadruplets and we lost your sweet brother Dex on the day you were born. However, mommy needs to tell you who Dex was and why he has become mommy's hero. We found out your brother was sick on the day we found out Adley was a girl. I remember this because Adley Grace, you were being a pill and would not show whether you were a girl or a boy on 2 different ultrasounds that were over an hour a piece. After that magical moment of finding out we were having 2 boys and 2 girls, Dr. Briery told daddy and I that Dex had lots of problems and he would not live past birth. I told daddy when we left that at least we had one happy moment that day before our world was shattered. Daddy and I prayed and discussed options and we decided to place all four of you in God's hands. We have said all along that we have prayed for one baby and were blessed with four. The doctors warned us that your brother could die in mommy's tummy and hurt the three of you or he could stay in mommy's tummy and maybe hurt the three of you or he could be born and then go to heaven. These were all three very hard things for mommy and daddy to hear, but we chose to trust God. God had a plan and a purpose for your brother's life, it was you!
On the crazy day you were born I had a discussion with the neonatologist about your brother. He asked me what I wanted to do about your brother when he was delivered. Daddy and I agreed that we would not create pain for your brother and chose to keep him comfortable until he passed unless the doctor thought he had a chance to live. God once again provided for me and daddy. I was able to see the three of you and steal a kiss from Jax before they took you to the NICU. Then the neonatologist came to my bedside and apologized not long after to tell me there was nothing he could do. When mommy went to the room to recover they brought us your brother. It was the most heart breaking and wonderful experience of mommy's life. In that instant mommy was so proud of your brother and so sad that he would never get to grow up with the three of you. The only picture we have of your brother is the one I am about to show you. It was the best and worst moment of mommy's life, but mommy will always treasure this picture.
 |
| Dexter Charles Owens born 2/04/13 at 11:07 am weighing 1 pound 10 ounces and 13 inches long. |
Mommy does not choose a hero lightly in fact I have only had three in my life. A great man named Stephen was one. He was my hero because he taught mommy to love daddy with all her heart and that God's plans are always better than mommy's even when it is the worst thing at the time. Another hero is your Pawpaw Sherman. There has never been a more Godly grandfather in my opinion. He was a man that loved the Lord, loved his wife and kids and would do anything for his grandchildren. Pawpaw Sherman is the reason mommy loves oatmeal and pancakes. He is the person that I wish daddy and each of you could have met because there was no greater man. Lucky for you he was Grumps' daddy and Grumps is striving to be that type of man for you. The third hero is still alive and she will be in your life daily. Grey you are named after her. It is your Gram and she is my hero because she is the best example of a mommy I know. I will not always be the best mommy, but I will strive to be for you what she was for me. A woman who loves God and instills important values in her children while showing them unconditional love. Gram and I are freakishly connected some could almost say soul mates, because I think we complete the other one. I promise each of you, mommy will follow Gram's example and be the mommy you deserve. Out of these three wonderful people I now need to add a fourth. Your brother, Dex, is mommy and daddy's hero because his sacrifice gave us you. You see he did better than anyone expected in mommy's tummy, he breathed, he ate and he survived for each of you. He never once caused any problems that placed the three of you in harm's way. He is mommy's hero because he gave his life for each of you.
Mommy misses Dex very much especially at night. That is when the four of you were most active. When mommy would lay on her right side Jax and Dex would kick mommy for all they were worth. Girls, you will not know what that means until you become a mommy yourself one day. Aunt Monkey and I were talking and she asked me what I missed about being pregnant. I told her now I have to share you. I loved that for the most part only mommy knew y'all were kicking. I could tell all four of you apart and who was kicking, as well as who had the hiccups. That was the saddest moment for mommy on the night I delivered the four of you. I was not able to see any of you in the NICU that night and when mommy went to sleep for the first time in months no one kicked her. I realized fully in that moment that Dex was gone and it would be a long time before mommy would get to see him again. Mommy will never get over the loss of Dex but the three of you make her happier than you will ever know.
There is a book called the Littlest Angel that mommy has loved ever since she was a kid. I have been thinking about it a lot lately since we have lost your brother. I believe he is humble and happy and by far one of the littlest angels in heaven. I believe he is fishing with Papaw Sherman and Stephen. I believe he was met in heaven by daddy's grandfather, who not even daddy got the pleasure of knowing. Your cousin Gabe said it best when he said "Dex celebrated his birthday in heaven." I believe Dex is whole, happy and not in any pain. I believe he is sitting at the feet of Jesus and learning more than I can imagine. I believe on the happiest and saddest day of my life, heaven gained a hero. Your brother gave his life and through his sacrifice has made mommy and daddy closer to God through prayer. I cannot wait to see your brother again one day, but for the rest of my life I am so happy to be your mommy.
I love you,
Mommy
